If you cannot ask for what you need, as a child, then your ability to think and feel is damaged. You are forced into a space of minimal agency where you are largely unable to negotiate your way through daily life. You have no voice, no confidence, and may grow up like that.
Someone else holds the initiative, which makes you feel ashamed, and brings on the swirl experience.
A swirl looks like this:
And feels like this:
" I feel helpless, worthless, hopeless
I have no energy, no purpose, I feel isolated
and overwhelmed
I am despairing and afraid
I am in a space without hope, and panic is threatening me
I cannot sit still, something is agitating my body and my mind, and I feel very anxious."
To frequently suffer a swirl or vortex makes me withdraw from life, because it is all too hard to manage. I become alienated from friends and family, effectively a hermit, trying to avoid being hurt, even by sympathy. Sympathy makes me feel ashamed, patronised by someone who doesn't know what it's like to be in a swirl, in a vortex.
If I suffer from the swirl infrequently, I can get on with things, enjoy life, and banish the sense of panic and helplessness to the memory box. But it doesn't take much; an imagined slight, some bad luck, a parking ticket, to bring the swirl back - often in a split second - and I have to struggle against it by restoring perspective. Am I really being got at, or is this just daily life within a society that is too big to care about me?
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